JOKES OF SOFTWARE ENGINEERS

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?


"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."


"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."


"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."


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Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?Because DEC 25 = OCT 31


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How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

REAL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS...............

Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.

Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms.

Real software engineers don't program in a language that doesn't have recursive function calls.

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.

Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."

Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and spartan purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in.

Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.

Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in PROLOG.

Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN and BASIC. PL/I is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough; far too much built in functions.

Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.